Noodle Week

สวัสดี and xin chào. Before the week was over, one of my massage therapists had fallen off of me, and that was not the strangest thing that happened.

Two humans named, conveniently, Ori and Aurie

I am honored and beyond thankful to two incredible humans whose names conveniently both end in Ori/Aurie, Laurie and Tori, for coming all the way to Southeast Asia. Noodle Week was a ladies' trip for the books.

Hanoi: the market challenge, revived

It started in Hanoi, with the revival of the million đồng market challenge: everyone buys something for someone else at the market, and the results get handed over afterward. The themes this time were "Unicorns," "The colour(s) of bruises" and "Animal Print." My cow backpack is still in use, and we got mad props for our strong parasol game.

Next up: the famous Pho Cocktail, and an evening exploring.

Ha Long Bay, with the best cruise director alive

In Ha Long Bay, Ninh, possibly the best cruise director there is, hosted explorations of a cave, trekking, swimming and kayaking.

The transfer from Ha Long to Ninh Bình introduced two new formats. "Sleep Sounds for Tori" strangely did not help her sleep, but it had the back seat of our shuttle erupting in laughter. And "Hey Nurse Laurie!" gave us some highly relatable tips, tricks, antidotes and anecdotes.

Three of our days included local massages. None was as memorable as Laurie's foot massage, which had the traditional Vietnamese masseuse climbing on her back, or mine, which ended when my massage therapist fell off of me. She was OK. She was giggling and embarrassed.

Ninh Bình: relaxing, per se

We came to Ninh Bình for relaxing time, which did not quite accomplish the relaxing per se but was beyond worth it. Bike rides to temples and pagodas. More bike rides to start our cooking class, where a little boy became our best bud. Treks through an expansive region that pictures do not do justice.

And there were goats, cows, ponies, and creepy goat snack stands. I may still be recovering from the aesthetic of the goat meat stands. Between the heat and some friendly mosquitoes, we had many deserved glasses of bubbles to cap off long nights. Tori may still be recovering from a few bites, most from bugs, possibly some from friends.

The rest of the week, in brief:

• The girls tried snake.
• I had many ATM adventures.
• Surprise caves full of bats led to necessary laundry days.
• Gifting a pair of purple wings to our receptionist, whose mom is her best friend and whose life goal is to see more of Vietnam, was a highlight.
• High fives from a baby Spider-Man started every morning strong.

One Night (Which Became Two) in Bangkok

Next, we flew to Thailand for One Night in Bangkok, which became two.

We took a boat tour through the canals to the big shiny things. We saw a monitor lizard, and we bonded with our female captain over breaking the seal, so we trekked on for more urgent things.

We ate some fancy-ass butterfish with delicious buns and earthy wines at Mezzaluna, a two-Michelin-star dream, on top of all the amazing local food across both countries. We caught a small floating market before screaming delightfully in our tuk-tuk all the way to the Unicorn Café. And we capped a wonderful week with rooftop views during a thunderstorm, hugs, and airport goodbyes.

The seal, which does not exist

About that seal. Every group trip has a resident theory that the first bathroom break of the night "breaks the seal," after which you will be going all night. Our captain believed it. We believed it. The bubbles in Ninh Bình believed it.

There is no seal. Here is what is actually going on.

Your kidneys decide how much water to keep based on a hormone called vasopressin, also known as antidiuretic hormone. When vasopressin is high, the kidneys hold water back. When it drops, they let more of it go into the bladder. Alcohol lowers vasopressin. Physicians were already treating that as established in the 1950s, when researchers used alcohol as an off switch for the hormone in experiments on how the kidneys handle water. Later lab work found where it happens: in rat studies, alcohol damped the calcium currents in the nerve endings that release vasopressin, so less of it got out.

So from your first drink, your kidneys are producing more urine than they would on water alone. That is true whether or not you have been to the bathroom yet. Holding it does not slow your kidneys down, and going once does not speed them up. The bladder just refills faster than you are used to, and once you are expecting to go again, you notice every bit of it. Doctors who have looked at the "seal" put it down mostly to that expectation.

Which means the captain was right about the outcome and wrong about the cause. We kept trekking for urgent things anyway.

If you go

• The million đồng challenge works anywhere with a market. Set a budget, pick themes, buy for each other, and reveal over drinks. A million đồng has been worth roughly forty US dollars in recent years; check the current rate.
• Ha Long Bay to Ninh Bình works as a single loop out of Hanoi. Ha Long is about 165 km from Hanoi, and Ninh Bình is roughly 90 km south of it.
• Ninh Bình by bike is the way to see it. Bring bug spray, and a change of clothes if there are bat caves on the plan.
• Mezzaluna is on the 65th floor of lebua at State Tower in Bangkok and has held two Michelin stars since the guide arrived in Thailand. Book ahead.
• On the boat or at the bar: drink water between the bubbles. The seal will not save you either way.

Miss you already

Thank you, Laurie. Thank you, Tori. It was a week of being friends in the way that only happens when you are far from home together: a little bitten, laughing in the back seat.

ลาก่อน and tạm biệt.