Skip the Impalas

By the end of the week, everyone in our vehicle was shouting "skip the impalas."

Day one: cheetahs and pink glitter

I touched down in this land of lions and laughter and went straight to the Ann van Dyk Cheetah Centre, where I stalked cheetahs (and made silly puns). Little did I know that wild encounters with big cats would be our jam all week.

Fueled by a pink glitter latte from the Goddess Cafe, I met up with my friend Sandra in Jo'burg. We dove headfirst into African fashion, lunched in the Maboneng art district, and finished at Melrose Arch, where the meals were as chic as the neighborhood.

Basically family now

Next, I met the new-to-me Albatros crew at the airport (basically family now) and we headed for Zebra Lodge.

First stroll through the reserve, and bam: face to face with a giraffe family, baby and all. Minutes later I was standing in a zebra herd. Not a bad start, eh?

The days blurred into nature excursions and giggle-fueled stories, plus an introduction to the fine art of African poo spitting. Trust me, it's a thing. It even has a name in Afrikaans, bokdrol spoeg, and the poo in question is a kudu's. I decided to pass on that cultural gem. We capped the evening with a friendly bonfire discussion about Wales, as one does.

Soweto

The next day was Soweto, home to legends like Nelson Mandela, who lived on Vilakazi Street, and Trevor Noah, who grew up here. Vilakazi Street is the only street in the world where two Nobel Peace Prize winners have lived: Mandela at number 8115, and Archbishop Desmond Tutu a short walk away.

Singing and dancing locals schmoozed for tips. Then the Apartheid Museum broke my heart.

Four cubs and a golf course with a helicopter

Entabeni Safari Conservancy called next: a game lodge where the Big 5 roam, and where the golf course includes a helicopter. The Extreme 19th is a par 3 teed off from the top of Hanglip Mountain, 430 meters above a green shaped like the African continent. Think Pride Rock, but with a perfect swing (or a flub).

Our first game drive hit the jackpot. A mama lion and her not one, not two, not three, but FOUR cubs, tumbling off logs in sibling joy. Pumbas scurrying (yes, they're real; the rest of the world calls them warthogs). And an unforgettable encounter with several room-key-challenged Americans. Back patio, front door. Logical. Got it?

RHINO!!!

Anticipation peaked on game drives full of people shouting "RHINO!!!" and spotting cheetahs. Jay joined for the pasta feasts and the race course inspections. (The Big Five Marathon start time depends on where the Big Five are standing that morning. If they are too close to the route, the race waits.)

We were registered for the full marathon, but an injury bumped us down to the half. Cue starlit nights, more drum circles, and a race day that started scenic and ended hyponatremic. Look it up. Yikes.

Here is the short version, so you don't have to. Exercise-associated hyponatremia means the sodium in your blood has dropped too low, and the main cause is not sweating too much. It's drinking too much. Pour in more fluid than you lose and your kidneys, slowed by the hormones of hard exercise, can't get rid of the excess, so the sodium you have gets diluted. Sports drinks don't save you, either, because they carry less sodium than your blood does. The expert consensus is almost insultingly simple: drink when you're thirsty. (Fun fact: the first international consensus conference on it was held in Cape Town, in 2005.)

But there were LOTS of celebrations, hugs, and bonus K's to be had.

More game drives followed, more "skip the impalas," and sunrises that belong on postcards. Rhino, lions, and slightly sore legs: a small price for safari bliss.

The grand finale? Wine-fueled nights, table dancing (yes, it happened), and twerking rangers (go figure). We even made our debut in the race video. Future adventure planning, sorted.

Zim-Zam

Jay and I then winged it to Victoria Falls, border-hopping through Zim-Zam (Zimbabwe and Zambia) and Botswana, all within earshot of the Smoke That Thunders. Not to be confused with the Thunder From Down Under.

River safaris, baby hippos, and a resort with bougie zebras, giraffes, and baboons. Standard day in paradise.

The waterfall is walking upstream

The name is the first clue. Mosi-oa-Tunya, the Smoke That Thunders, is the spray: the Zambezi drops about 108 meters into a narrow gorge, across a front 1.7 kilometers long, and the spray rises off it like smoke. The second clue is on any satellite photo. Below the falls, the river does not run straight. It runs in a zigzag of narrow gorges, back and forth, like someone folded the river up and put it away.

Each of those zigs is an old waterfall.

The falls sit on a slab of basalt roughly 300 meters thick, laid down as lava and cracked as it cooled. One set of cracks runs east to west and is packed with softer material. The river, flowing south, hits one of those soft east-west seams, scours it out, and pours over the long edge: that is the waterfall. A second set of cracks runs north to south. Eventually the water finds one, cuts a narrow channel back upstream along it, and reaches the next soft east-west seam, where it scours out a new, broad lip. The old falls are left behind as a dry gorge. Then it happens again.

Zambia's tourism board counts seven earlier lines of falls in those gorges, carved over roughly the last 100,000 years. And the next one is already underway. On the Zimbabwe side, the Devil's Cataract sits lower than the rest of the falls, because the water has started cutting back along the next line of weakness.

The falls are not standing still. They are walking upstream, one crack at a time. Hold that thought.

Chobe: five for five

A quick tour to Chobe National Park in Botswana for our final game drive, check. Leopards lounging, water buffalo strolling, and some lion family drama (teen angst included).

We had done it. We had seen 5 out of the Big 5.

Angels Pool

Then the heart-stopping climax: Angels Pool, a pool on the lip of Victoria Falls, reached from Livingstone Island. A photo op to remember. Or to fear forever.

Which pool you can swim in depends on the river. When the Zambezi runs high, Livingstone Island closes entirely. As it drops, Angels Pool opens first, and the famous Devil's Pool, even closer to the edge, only once the water is really low.

Remember the walking waterfall? I sat in a pool on the current edge of a cliff that is, very slowly, eating its way toward me. Thrilling. Do not think about it.

Cape Town

Final stop: Cape Town. Indulgence hit new heights with waterfront dining at Pier, a Cape of Good Hope tour, wine (!), and the penguins at Boulders Beach. Cuteness overload.

Those penguins deserve a footnote. A few months after our visit, the IUCN uplisted the African penguin to Critically Endangered. The Boulders colony is one of the few bright spots: SANParks' June 2026 census counted about 790 breeding pairs there, up from 698 a year earlier.

The numbers

• Countries: 4
• Lion cubs on one log: 4
• Big 5 seen: 5
• Kudu pellets spat: 0
• Photos taken: 4,000+
• Malva pudding: enough to last a lifetime

If you go

• The Big Five Marathon (and half marathon) runs every June in the Entabeni Safari Conservancy in Limpopo, organized by Albatros Adventure Marathons. Ours was 15 June 2024. Start and finish are at Lakeside Lodge on the upper escarpment, the start time moves if the animals are too close to the route, and every runner must be 18 or over on race day.
• It comes as a package. International runners have to book a tour package to enter. For the 19 June 2027 race, the organizer lists a 7-day package at EUR 3,190 (6 nights) and an 8-day package at EUR 3,590 (7 nights).
• Drink to thirst. Not to a schedule, and not to prove a point. See above.
• The Extreme 19th sits in the Legend Golf & Safari Resort inside Entabeni. The resort's golf courses closed in 2019 and reopened in June 2026, so check what is running before you plan a swing.
• Soweto: Mandela House at 8115 Vilakazi Street is a museum, run by the Apartheid Museum on behalf of the Soweto Heritage Trust. Do both on the same day if you can.
• Victoria Falls with Botswana on the side: the KAZA Univisa (US$50 at the time of writing) covers Zambia and Zimbabwe for 30 days with multiple crossings, plus day trips into Botswana through the Kazungula border, which is how most people do Chobe in a day.
• Angels Pool and Devil's Pool are seasonal and set by the river. Devil's Pool is usually open from about August to January. Check with the operator for your dates.
• Boulders Beach is part of Table Mountain National Park. Stay on the boardwalks and keep your distance; SANParks warns that getting too close stresses the birds and can lead to abandoned nests.

What I'm taking home

Straight-up Lion King vibes, Toto's "Africa" on loop in my head for weeks, and malva pudding to last a lifetime. Four African countries later, this one is etched in our hearts.

The Zambezi doesn't cut through the strong rock. It finds the soft seams and works on them for a hundred thousand years. One week in four countries found mine.

Cheers to wildlife, wine, new friends, and a continent that keeps leaving a mark. Until next time, Africa. Thanks for the memories.